Everyone else's chattering was driving me nuts. Here's the thing; you want your kids to learn to talk, but like many answered prayers, it wasn't what you expected. There are times when I want peace and quiet. It seems that those are the times when my kids ask questions like little firing squads. "What are you making for dinner?" "Why are you making that?" "What's in it?" "Does it have tomatoes?" "I don't like tomatoes." "Please, can you take the tomatoes out, if it has any?" "I don't like tomatoes!"
So I instilled a few rules.
1. Everyone stays out of the kitchen when I'm making dinner. The kids help prepare lunch. They help set the table for dinner. The kitchen is mine, all mine while I prepare dinner.
2. You need not inform me of your dislikes. You simply need not eat them. No yucks or funny faces allowed at the table.
Still, the yaking persisted. So I have tried a new stategy. I inform the kids that I need some quiet time. Plain and simple. Then I only answer questions that are of the upmost importance according to me. If I deem that it can wait, I won't acknowledge it. "Mom, mom, mom?" "Did you hear me?" At this point, I smile, close my eyes and hum a little tune. I'm met with a sigh and then they go away.
The kids have also been informed that when given an instruction, they need to do it without questioning me. I'll explain and inform after the fact. This has cut back on a lot of arguing. For example:
Me: "Luke, I need you to get ready to take your bath."
Luke: "Why now mom?"
Me: "La di da di da di da"
Luke: "Mom? Why now?"
Me: "La di da di da di da"
Luke: "Oh alright."
I'm not disrespectful, or rude. I smile and the tunes I hum are recognized by the kids. The kids are also 5 and 7. Still young enough to be overwhemled by a lot of explaining. I make sure that I am engaging the kids throughout the day in lively conversations. I make sure I balance those with quiet times that allow for reflection and time to process what they've learned. Everyone is allowed and encouraged to speak their minds respectfully and at the appropriate times. Everyone is required to have moments of quiet peace.
The things I do, won't work with an infant or a toddler, but once your child has a grasp on asking questions, it's appropriate to teach them the beauty of silence.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Words, Words, Words
As part of a child development class I took in college, I was required to read, Please Don't Sit on the Children by Clare Cherry. This book is currently out of print, but you can find used copies on Amazon for as little as $3.99. I have found this book to be such a valuable resource for me. It has some sections that are a bit corny and some of the sample dialogue is not very realistic, but still it has a wealth of useful information.
One of the things I loved specifically was a list of alternative words. She lists words you can use instead of "angry" for example. You can use irritated, upset, annoyed, furious, enraged or incensed. There is nothing wrong with using one word in particular, but if you used different words, you will increase your child's vocabulary. Here's a short list of alternative words to use throughout your day.
Pretty = Lovely, Beautiful, Fancy, Attractive.
Now = Immediately, Right Away, Presently, Today, Urgently.
Sad = Blue, Unhappy, Woeful, Downcast, Melancholy, Gloomy, Somber, Dismal.
Happy = Joyful, Fortunate, Estatic, Content, Glad, Cheerful, Agreeable, Excited.
Start incorporating words you don't usually use into your daily vocabulary. Even if your child is an infant they will benefit from listening to diffierent sounds. Watch as your child develops language, his/her vocabulary will flourish.
Keep in mind that as you increase the number of different words you use, it is not neccessary to increase how much you talk. Talking to your child is good, as long as you have your child's attention. Going on and on, even if you are using new vocabulary, is useless if little ears have shut you out. It is completely natural for children to shut out noise when they are overstimulated. They are defending themselves against an assault of words. More on this soon and tips on how to recognize when to be quiet. Till then, Good bye, See you soon, until we meet again, so long and good night.
One of the things I loved specifically was a list of alternative words. She lists words you can use instead of "angry" for example. You can use irritated, upset, annoyed, furious, enraged or incensed. There is nothing wrong with using one word in particular, but if you used different words, you will increase your child's vocabulary. Here's a short list of alternative words to use throughout your day.
Pretty = Lovely, Beautiful, Fancy, Attractive.
Now = Immediately, Right Away, Presently, Today, Urgently.
Sad = Blue, Unhappy, Woeful, Downcast, Melancholy, Gloomy, Somber, Dismal.
Happy = Joyful, Fortunate, Estatic, Content, Glad, Cheerful, Agreeable, Excited.
Start incorporating words you don't usually use into your daily vocabulary. Even if your child is an infant they will benefit from listening to diffierent sounds. Watch as your child develops language, his/her vocabulary will flourish.
Keep in mind that as you increase the number of different words you use, it is not neccessary to increase how much you talk. Talking to your child is good, as long as you have your child's attention. Going on and on, even if you are using new vocabulary, is useless if little ears have shut you out. It is completely natural for children to shut out noise when they are overstimulated. They are defending themselves against an assault of words. More on this soon and tips on how to recognize when to be quiet. Till then, Good bye, See you soon, until we meet again, so long and good night.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
A New Year
I love how the new year is always depicted by a baby in diapers. I find new things exciting. New things, whether it's a new dress, a baby or the new year, offer a promise. A promise of change, a chance for improvement. For all you parents out there, you know NOTHING changes your life as much as a newborn. For those of you who have had babies recently born or are awaiting a new life to be born in 2010, I wonder what changes you are excited about? What does a new year mean to you? Without making a long list of resolutions, what one change would you make that would improve your and/or your child's life? Sometimes it just takes changing one thing. What follows is a short list of suggestions for positive changes in the New Year. Don't take them all on. Just pick one and work with it. If you feel comfortable and confident, in March take on another and so forth. I think it's is so much better to do one thing and do it well, than to take on a load of stuff and do it all begrudegingly and half-heartedly.
Changes for 2010
1. Attitude- Assessing you attitude is easy. Take a trip to Facebook and see what you posted this week. Is it mostly a complaint about (the weather, your parents, your husband or boyfriend, your in laws, your kids etc.) All those complaint posted above were actually complaints I read this week alone. If this describes you, you need to CHANGE!! First, stop posting negative stuff online. People feed off your negativity and in many ways encourage it. Eventually you pass all those negative attitudes to your child. Get yourself a journal or a private blog to rant in, but first, before you begin writing how awful and unfair the world is (and sometimes it is) write one great thing that happened or that you want to happen, then write your rant and end with another great thing.
2. Words- are the most powerful tools we hold. Words can make nations rise and commit unthinkable crimes. Words can give hope and courage to weakest among us. With one word we can heal or destroy. I am not at all into censorship, nor do I equate any one word as being evil. I do however respect the power of my words and the power they have over the little ears they fall upon. I have been know to say Fuck very admantly and very appropriately. However I never use profanity as a daily part of my speech. Record yourself speaking with a friend and see how often you use profanity. Are you making a statement or is it simply part of your vocabulary? I overheard a child once say the if you use profanity it's because your vocabulary is limited. I agree. Expand your vocabulary!! Use an array of new words this year to express joy, disgust, frustration, excitement. Improve your vocabulary, improve your life.
3.Move- In Waldorf education, movement is an integral part of the curriculum. Most people resolve to exercise and get in shape in the new year. I suggest you just get moving. Once a day, do five jumping jacks with your kids, or five sit ups. Take a walk around the block even if it's cold. Dance in your living room. Movement heals and gets your metabolism going, it gets your creative juices flowing. Who knows, you may bump into someone that will transform your life.
So much of what we do, we do without making a conscience decision. We do it because we've always done it, because our parents did it. My Dr. Phil question for you is, "How's that working for you?" Are you happy? Are you excited about your life, about raising your kids? Assess this past year and see how much of what you did "happened" to you and how much of it was a conscience choice. In 2010 I wish good choices and many blessing to you all.
Changes for 2010
1. Attitude- Assessing you attitude is easy. Take a trip to Facebook and see what you posted this week. Is it mostly a complaint about (the weather, your parents, your husband or boyfriend, your in laws, your kids etc.) All those complaint posted above were actually complaints I read this week alone. If this describes you, you need to CHANGE!! First, stop posting negative stuff online. People feed off your negativity and in many ways encourage it. Eventually you pass all those negative attitudes to your child. Get yourself a journal or a private blog to rant in, but first, before you begin writing how awful and unfair the world is (and sometimes it is) write one great thing that happened or that you want to happen, then write your rant and end with another great thing.
2. Words- are the most powerful tools we hold. Words can make nations rise and commit unthinkable crimes. Words can give hope and courage to weakest among us. With one word we can heal or destroy. I am not at all into censorship, nor do I equate any one word as being evil. I do however respect the power of my words and the power they have over the little ears they fall upon. I have been know to say Fuck very admantly and very appropriately. However I never use profanity as a daily part of my speech. Record yourself speaking with a friend and see how often you use profanity. Are you making a statement or is it simply part of your vocabulary? I overheard a child once say the if you use profanity it's because your vocabulary is limited. I agree. Expand your vocabulary!! Use an array of new words this year to express joy, disgust, frustration, excitement. Improve your vocabulary, improve your life.
3.Move- In Waldorf education, movement is an integral part of the curriculum. Most people resolve to exercise and get in shape in the new year. I suggest you just get moving. Once a day, do five jumping jacks with your kids, or five sit ups. Take a walk around the block even if it's cold. Dance in your living room. Movement heals and gets your metabolism going, it gets your creative juices flowing. Who knows, you may bump into someone that will transform your life.
So much of what we do, we do without making a conscience decision. We do it because we've always done it, because our parents did it. My Dr. Phil question for you is, "How's that working for you?" Are you happy? Are you excited about your life, about raising your kids? Assess this past year and see how much of what you did "happened" to you and how much of it was a conscience choice. In 2010 I wish good choices and many blessing to you all.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
First Christmas
As Christmas approaches it is easy to become overwhemled by the frenzy of activities, shopping and family expectations. Remember if mom is overwhemled, it's likely your baby is feeling overwhemled too. It would benefit everyone if we all took a deep breath and put Chirstmas back in perspective.
1. Chirstmas is the celebration of the birth of Christ. Plain and simple.
2. Babies aren't aware of what the hoopla is about, so don't expect them to cooperate with your plan.
3. Remember that especially during the Christmas Season rythyms are impotant for your little one.
4. Anticipate that your child will be a bit crankier than usual. Christmas is a very stimulating time of year.
5. Too many (toys), too much (activity) can cause anxiety in your child. Remember to keep it simple.
All this said and done, it is also important to differientiate this time of year. Make it special. Keep a tradition going or start a new one. Are they any special memories of your childhood Christmas' that you'd like your children to cherish and enjoy?
1. Chirstmas is the celebration of the birth of Christ. Plain and simple.
2. Babies aren't aware of what the hoopla is about, so don't expect them to cooperate with your plan.
3. Remember that especially during the Christmas Season rythyms are impotant for your little one.
4. Anticipate that your child will be a bit crankier than usual. Christmas is a very stimulating time of year.
5. Too many (toys), too much (activity) can cause anxiety in your child. Remember to keep it simple.
All this said and done, it is also important to differientiate this time of year. Make it special. Keep a tradition going or start a new one. Are they any special memories of your childhood Christmas' that you'd like your children to cherish and enjoy?
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
A Village
I am quite fortunate. I was raised by my parents. I also lived two houses down from my grandmother and within walking distance from my aunt. These women although not perfect, taught me each in their own way how to be a mother. My mother was always around, sometimes to my chigrin. My grandmother, was a grandmother through and through. She was always spoiling us with candy and money. My aunt was the cool one. Many times I secretly wished she was my mom. Now as an adult I realize my mother was really best at raising me but it was wonderful to have this village of women around. It wasn't just these women, it was also my mother's friends and the many women who my mother and aunt spoke of. Women who were long dead, yet their stories lived on through the many tellings I heard.
It's important to give some thought to how you want to raise your children. I knew I wanted kids, but I never gave much thought to the type of mother I wanted to be or how I wanted my kids to be raised. Everyone just assumes the kids will be fine and for the most part they are. There are however, many parents that didn't have good role models. They weren't raised with a village of men or women that they could turn to for help or guidance. As we nurture our children, we must remember that we don't have to do it alone. Even when we don't have the appropraite role models within our family, they do live within our community. We must create our own village. We must decide what type of life we want to give our children and then we must endeavor to create it. We must seek out like-minded individuals who can gently guide us, who will nurture us and help us create that life we envision.
Often we have our children and our perspectives change. All of a sudden, friends that we had fun with seem silly. Many of the friends I had seemed a bit bothered by the fact that as a mother I couldn't join in last minute plans. Some of these friendships that had stood the test of time, could not stand the test of motherhood. Later as my husband and I embarked on an adventure that took us far away from family and friends we had known all our lives, I was blessed with the opportunity to forge new friendships. I have taken my time. What I have now is a new Village. In this village there are women of all ages. Not one of these women is perfect, but each in their own way help me in my journey through motherhood.
Be bold, be courageous, start creating the life you want for your little ones today. Create a Village.
Check out the following websites for help in creating your Village in the Salem, Oregon area:
http://salem.momslikeme.com/members/viewprofile.aspx?u=salemteenmops&source=stream_user
http://www.southsalemmoms.com/
http://www.familybuildingblocks.org/services.html
http://ccswv.org/healthystart.html
It's important to give some thought to how you want to raise your children. I knew I wanted kids, but I never gave much thought to the type of mother I wanted to be or how I wanted my kids to be raised. Everyone just assumes the kids will be fine and for the most part they are. There are however, many parents that didn't have good role models. They weren't raised with a village of men or women that they could turn to for help or guidance. As we nurture our children, we must remember that we don't have to do it alone. Even when we don't have the appropraite role models within our family, they do live within our community. We must create our own village. We must decide what type of life we want to give our children and then we must endeavor to create it. We must seek out like-minded individuals who can gently guide us, who will nurture us and help us create that life we envision.
Often we have our children and our perspectives change. All of a sudden, friends that we had fun with seem silly. Many of the friends I had seemed a bit bothered by the fact that as a mother I couldn't join in last minute plans. Some of these friendships that had stood the test of time, could not stand the test of motherhood. Later as my husband and I embarked on an adventure that took us far away from family and friends we had known all our lives, I was blessed with the opportunity to forge new friendships. I have taken my time. What I have now is a new Village. In this village there are women of all ages. Not one of these women is perfect, but each in their own way help me in my journey through motherhood.
Be bold, be courageous, start creating the life you want for your little ones today. Create a Village.
Check out the following websites for help in creating your Village in the Salem, Oregon area:
http://salem.momslikeme.com/members/viewprofile.aspx?u=salemteenmops&source=stream_user
http://www.southsalemmoms.com/
http://www.familybuildingblocks.org/services.html
http://ccswv.org/healthystart.html
Monday, November 16, 2009
Just Do It!
I realize that parenting can be overwhemling. I've been there. So, how do we get through it. There is no magic or profound answer. We just do it. When you child is crying in the middle of the night and you have absolutely no desire to get up, you get up anyway. When you are talking on the phone but it's time to feed your baby, you get off the phone and do what needs to be done. That what we parents do.
Which brings me to a realization I had years ago that has made my life so much easier. If I'm going to do it anyway, I may as well do it with a pleasant heart. I don't want to get up, but I'm going to get up. Since I'm going to do it anyway, isn't so much nicer to greet my crying child with a smile and a soft murmur than with a sigh of resignation.
One thing that we have to keep in mind is that babies are on their own schedule. It's our job as parents to slowly ease the baby into our life's rythmns. This isn't done by ignoring them until they are stop crying, this is done through gentle guidance. Babies don't cry because they want to bother us. They cry because they have a need that is not being met. We must meet these needs in infancy if we want the child to thrive and grow into independent adults. Don't worry at this stage about spoiling your child. Babies cannot be spoiled!! Babies cannot be spoiled!! Meeting your babies needs today, will help you tomorrow. So ahead, just do it. Better yet, do it with a happy heart.
Which brings me to a realization I had years ago that has made my life so much easier. If I'm going to do it anyway, I may as well do it with a pleasant heart. I don't want to get up, but I'm going to get up. Since I'm going to do it anyway, isn't so much nicer to greet my crying child with a smile and a soft murmur than with a sigh of resignation.
One thing that we have to keep in mind is that babies are on their own schedule. It's our job as parents to slowly ease the baby into our life's rythmns. This isn't done by ignoring them until they are stop crying, this is done through gentle guidance. Babies don't cry because they want to bother us. They cry because they have a need that is not being met. We must meet these needs in infancy if we want the child to thrive and grow into independent adults. Don't worry at this stage about spoiling your child. Babies cannot be spoiled!! Babies cannot be spoiled!! Meeting your babies needs today, will help you tomorrow. So ahead, just do it. Better yet, do it with a happy heart.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Calm Baby, Happy Mamas
What do you do to calm your baby? So often I see frazzled mom and dads who are at their wits end because their baby is soooo very fussy. Here's a quick checklist of questions to ask yourself if your baby is fussy. (This is barring any indication of illness e.g. fever, vomiting, diarrhea etc. In this case your child needs to be seen by a doctor.)
1. Could he be hungry?
2. Could he be too hot or too cold?
3. Does his diaper need to be changed?
These three things must be seen to first. If you assess that none of these things apply then ask yourself the following:
1. Does he need to be burbed?
2. Does he need to be held and cuddled?
What if you done all of this and your baby is STILL fussy? I'll tell you what worked for my little ones.
1. A warm bath.
You'd be surprised how calming a warm bath can be. As you bathe your baby, sing to him, smile, reassure him. A bath should be given slowly, with a sing-songy rythmn. Make sure that you dry your baby with soft, gentle strokes. Start with his head and work your way down. Make sure you cover his head once it's dry to keep him warm. Remember: never leave your child unattended.
2. A story.
Your baby has been listening to your voice since he was in your womb. Your voice is familiar and comforting. Tell your baby a story. You can make it up or tell him a story of when you were a child. Speak softly and hold your baby close.
3. Rock your baby.
The rocking chair is still used in my home and my kids are five and seven. The rocking motion must remind wee babies of the womb. Rocking your child while humming a soft hymn will soothe even the fussiest babies.
Remember that the key to these things is taking your time. Imagine that you are tired, sweaty and hungry. How would you like someone to treat you? Imagine someone put fresh sheets on your bed and drew a warm bath for you. After bathing, a warm dinner was waiting set on a beautiful table. Doesn't that sound appealing. Someone has taken the time to make your world special. This is our job as parents, to make our babies world special. They deserve nothing less.
1. Could he be hungry?
2. Could he be too hot or too cold?
3. Does his diaper need to be changed?
These three things must be seen to first. If you assess that none of these things apply then ask yourself the following:
1. Does he need to be burbed?
2. Does he need to be held and cuddled?
What if you done all of this and your baby is STILL fussy? I'll tell you what worked for my little ones.
1. A warm bath.
You'd be surprised how calming a warm bath can be. As you bathe your baby, sing to him, smile, reassure him. A bath should be given slowly, with a sing-songy rythmn. Make sure that you dry your baby with soft, gentle strokes. Start with his head and work your way down. Make sure you cover his head once it's dry to keep him warm. Remember: never leave your child unattended.
2. A story.
Your baby has been listening to your voice since he was in your womb. Your voice is familiar and comforting. Tell your baby a story. You can make it up or tell him a story of when you were a child. Speak softly and hold your baby close.
3. Rock your baby.
The rocking chair is still used in my home and my kids are five and seven. The rocking motion must remind wee babies of the womb. Rocking your child while humming a soft hymn will soothe even the fussiest babies.
Remember that the key to these things is taking your time. Imagine that you are tired, sweaty and hungry. How would you like someone to treat you? Imagine someone put fresh sheets on your bed and drew a warm bath for you. After bathing, a warm dinner was waiting set on a beautiful table. Doesn't that sound appealing. Someone has taken the time to make your world special. This is our job as parents, to make our babies world special. They deserve nothing less.
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